Your inner-Balesh

When I saw the pictures sandh posted of dad, I too thought he looks lost. I then read the Small World post Anita wrote and thought, what if its our interpretation that is lost. It could be just as he planned. Lets take the ugliness of the physical realities of the condition aside for a minute. What if underneath all that dad was still silently observing his life work. That of his 7 kids striking out on their own and his wife doing the things she never had the confidence to do when he loomed so large around us.

Dad made his own rules. He never had anyone guiding him nor did he ever seek out any higher being to help him justify his being. His independence and dominance were unquestionable. He didn't know how not to live like this. His life experience would not allow him to cede the spotlight to those around him. How could we ever grow up with his presence so large? How could he watch us thrive silently without imposing his own will? We all relied on his confidence so heavily that our own was at stake. Perhaps this is the only way he knew how to do allow us to develop this while still (albeit tragically) being with us.

His condition has given us all something we may not acknowledge. In this journey we've all come together to form a bond the likes of which he could never have normally orchestrated. We act as one, taking care of and supporting one another. Individually, we've stepped up to whatever challenge is thrown our way and live our lives in manner I know he is proud of. We all have formations of his strong will and free thought pursuing unconventional paths that despite our perception of being status quo are far from. Have you ever told an outsider the make up of our nucleus and watched the amazement that comes across their face.

By effectively stepping aside, he is only beginning by instilling himself into each one of us.

Channel your inner-balesh when you miss him, he's not lost, see him in yourself. I know he does.