Thursday, January 21, 2010
Finding the rhyme and reason to it all
One thing I keep hearing Mom say is "What did I do to deserve this? Why is this my fate". Lately I have been fighting one of my core beliefs that "Everything happens for a good reason". Because it is hard to find the good reason when something as devastating as this happens. I am sure Mom thought she was going to live a long life with Dad and she dreamed of getting old with him and all the things that couples imagine themselves going through. I know she fought the "Alzheimers" label for years. Thinking this is just a temporary thing. She even went through a phase where she thought the medicine was making him worse. And of course there was the phase of the evil curse being put on my Dad. And now finally she is in the phase of acceptance and its always in acceptance we have to ask "What did I do to deserve this?". If the universe worked in such amazing ways of "you get what you deserve" then what exactly did she do to deserve this. Or better yet, if we expand our scope, what have the children of Haiti done to deserve the fate of losing their parents at such a young age? Is the simple belief of faith that " everything happens for a good reason and you may not understand the ways of the universe right now, but you will in the long run" strong enough to get past it?
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I personally think in a weird way it is Dad's way of keeping our family together. Not that any of us were going to leave each other, but he always felt that he was going die alone. How many times did we hear him say that? Perhaps this is his way of making sure Mom was protected by us after he's gone? There's no reason for us to get dramatic and throw up our arms and scream "WHY ME?" because the damage is already done. We just have to have faith that we can make good out of what is already been done.
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